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Worth the Risk

by Kyle Micho

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1.
Don’t you know that hippie shit won’t fix your life? And by now, you’re about ten years behind Slow down, take a breath, and look around, my dear Some things change, but the change can’t buy you jack If you looked into a crystal ball, you’d stare at your reflection, captivated and enthralled by what you’d see And I’m just sick and tired of it all, the way that everybody judges everybody else And yet that was a judgement in and of itself I digress, I undress my hollow lies Exposed for the world to see the sham I am Flimsy, artificial, and contrived If you listen to the things I say, I don’t make any sense And yet I piss the hours away drawing flowers and rainbows on the walls with black and gray colored pencils Because no one ever taught me how to paint I guess now you’ll want a few more words If you’re still listening Go outside, and listen to the birds, ‘cause they sing better than I ever could But here I go, I’m trying, yeah, I’m trying, and I want you all to know That goddamn hippie shit won’t save your life And that flower in your hair was once alive Go home, take a long, hot, private bubble bath Then go make one real friend you can trust (Who trusts you back) (And don’t stab theirs) (It’s not so hard)
2.
Smile 04:50
hi you look like you’re high you’re shielding your eyes no, don’t be embarrassed, i am too it’s something i do when i’m feeling blue to escape from my mind, yeah, just like you ‘cause i’m scared to say how i feel and right now, well, nothing seems real i’ve gotten so used to pretending everything’s fine i’m sorry i can’t let you in i’m trying, i swear, but i’ve been conditioned to cover my feelings with a smile yeah, i’ll make you smile we’ll laugh for a while but later tonight, i might get sad i can’t help it, no sometimes i feel low it comes and it goes, like dark blue waves and i drown in a sea of my doubts and my fears and irrational thoughts fill my ears and i can’t fall asleep, so i sit up and write down these words and it pains me that you’ll never quite understand what it feels like and i never can quite explain it it’s heavy and dark and it’s lonely and you feel like nothing at all unless you have felt like this too you tell me it’s happened to you again and again and your brain, it eats you alive every day and you can’t run away from yourself so you stay busy all the time all the time running from this thing to that thing, and all the while you put on a smile and i’ll never know how you feel but god, how i wish that i could oh, i would oh, i would well, it really was swell talking to you looking into those eyes i see someone like me for a minute there, we shared something special but now it’s time to go back to where we came from close our eyes ‘til the darkness is done and wake up and both hope that the sun helps ease our minds and when i meet someone new who reminds me of you i’ll hope that my smile turns into a face that reflects how i feel ‘cause these days, well, nothing seems real i’m getting so sick of pretending everything’s fine i’m sorry i can’t let you in i’m trying, i swear, but i’ve been conditioned to cover my feelings with a smile
3.
A.M. 03:43
It’s early morning, 6 A.M. You kept me up too late again I don’t seem to mind The sun hits your eyes You squeak out a yawn We’re both too tired to start the day It’s the weekend anyway Love, cancel your plans Ignore their demands We’ll sleep until dawn Darling, the world can wait I love when you keep me up late I love when you keep me up late What a perfect afternoon Lying here right next to you When you come around Your colors come out They seep through your skin And into mine Darling, the world can wait I love when you keep me up late I love when you keep me up late If I’m dreaming, let me sleep my life away Early evening, 4 P.M. I wake up to your face again You smile when you sleep Your colors, they seep straight into my heart Darling, the world can wait I love when you keep me up late I love when you keep me up late
4.
I heard you lost a friend among their friendly smiles It never seems to end, the way her charm beguiles And yet, I found a place within the atmosphere without a single trace of love Shed not a tear And I So brave Decided to be more than I had ever been before And I found out We save The best of all the worst for last Live in the past The way it used to be I heard you lost your mind out in the galaxy It's always hard to find what no one else can see We're all just subjects to a king without a throne You know, I thought I knew what no one seemed to've known And I So brave Decided to be more than I had ever been before And I found out We save The best of all the worst for last Live in the past The way it used to be Sleepless days and nights fade into nothingness And I'm not one who's right too much But I don't miss a single second of the past We used to be so foolish, not in love And last, I want to see So I So brave Decided to be more than I had ever been before And I found out We save The best of all the worst for last Live in the past The way it used to be To be
5.
Heavy 03:57
The world is heavy, though I try To wear a smile, to laugh, to lie Another prisoner of his mind To my own darkness, I’m confined I know I’m so selfish, selfish In my own world, I can’t help it No one sees things the way I do I swear I don’t mean to shut you out Don’t get too close, you’ll end up drained This isn’t easily explained I know I’m so stupid, foolish Can’t admit that I need help but No one sees things the way I do I swear I don’t want to shut you out I’m so sorry, I’m no good with words The world is heavy on my back It won’t be long before I crack I know I’m so selfish, selfish In my own world, I can’t help it No one sees things the way I do I swear I don’t mean to shut you out
6.
three thousand and two miles from you light years from home and no matter the shame i still feel the same before i could say it, you knew sometimes even the worst dreams come true twelve hours from there pretend i don’t care pretend i don’t feel london’s almost as grey your voice asked to stay it plays in my head on a reel spinning out of control on a wheel of autumn nights stumbling, laughing beneath the city lights with my friends and i want so desperately not to care so much not to get hung up not to overthink every damn thing in my sight lord, isn’t it strange how you don’t change wherever you go clouds follow you around the rain weighs you down the waves creep up without a sound you may as well learn how to swim or maybe just lie down and let the flood in
7.
I’m a little lost And a bit too cold I’m not living, I’m just growing old And it takes a friend Yeah, a friend or two To come tilt my head away from you You’re not worth my time So get out of my mind and my memory When it rains, my friends keep me dry And guess what, darling? I didn’t buy them Well, my hands are full But my arms are empty And my thoughts are weighed down by my mind Yeah, it’s cold outside But my friends brought blankets We’ve got plans to watch the city lights And maybe drink some wine You’re not worth my time So get out of my mind and my memory When it rains, my friends keep me dry And guess what, darling? I didn’t buy them You can pretend as long as you want But you’ll always be who you are They always knew that there was something a little off about you They tried to warn me from the beginning, right from the first inning, they knew And I went forward, so young and naïve And then, grinning, you sliced me in two But I’m a whole year older now, older now Yeah, I’m one whole year older now, older now Yeah, I’m a whole year older now, older now, older now, older now, older now I said I’m a whole year older now, older now I’m a whole year older now, older now I’m a whole year older now, older now, older now, older now
8.
Last night, I think I maybe fell in love with you I always knew in the back of my mind it could happen if I wasn’t careful But there’s just something about the autumn moon The afternoon always slips into night The same way that friends slip into lovers But if things fell apart, as they do I don’t think my heart could stand losing you So even though I fell in love with you If you knew, well, I know things would change And if I lost you, I’d lose you forever If things fell apart, as they do I don’t think I could stand losing you And if you ever fall in love with me I hope you’ll see that it’s not worth the risk ‘Cause if you lost me, you’d lose me forever
9.
Melt Me 04:45
You say the spring makes you come back to life again, all fresh and new It’s not that way for me I’m in an icy cage Built it myself, back in a colder age I never cut a key Hold me in your arms And never let me go Hold me with your eyes Melt me like the snow You’re of a different star You see the world in incandescent hues And I live in the gray You talk to the universe, feel as the waves pulse through your gentle veins Me, I don’t know what to say So hold me in your arms And never let me go Hold me with your eyes Melt me like the snow I talked to the moon tonight Asked for a peek into the cutting room She wouldn’t let me see Well, love, I guess that’s all right You know I’m not patient, but I’ll have to be I’ll learn from you Hold me in your arms And never let me go Hold me with your eyes Melt me like the snow
10.
I feel less than unafraid I don’t believe in sunshine, that tape’s been overplayed Someone told me laughter’s a gentle masquerade Someone catch the memories before they start to fade You like listening to me You make me feel important You make me want to be the person who you think I am, yeah, probably But I’m just It’s been a long time But I feel again You hear music in your head You talk like no one else Your lips are cherry red Lean a little closer, peek around the bend This feels like the beginning, but you feel like the end It’s been a long time But I feel again It’s been a long time But I feel again It’s been a long time But I feel again Oh, I feel you
11.
Every night with you is like the end of a movie We kiss as the credits roll slowly down the screen And I love the way you breathe The things you say to me with those soft eyes, silently You fit like a puzzle piece I never want you to leave So maybe we’re both familiar with this story And falling in love is easy enough to do But this feels like something more A feeling you can’t plan for Une maladie de l’amour This sickness is more mature And god, I hope there’s no cure Do do do ooh ooh Do do do ooh ooh Ooo ooh ooh Ooo ooh ooh Ooo ooh ooh Ooh ooh We drove to New York Watched the film fade all summer long Part one ended when you wrote that song Then the leaves turned brown London helped open my young eyes Sit beside me, watch this new sun rise Take my heart, love, you don’t have to try
12.
Did You? 05:03
Baby, I’ve been thinking about the things you said I’ve never heard you talk that way before Crying on the corner of that white twin bed you adore Of course I’m not the person who you made me out to be, idealized in your mind for a year So you can push me out, or you can love me while I’m still here Oooh ooh oooh Oooh ooh oooh The last thing that I want is to make you feel chained down All I want to do is be your friend It’s only the beginning, but you’ve always felt like the end I want to lift you up, I want to soar beside you Your words, they burn with brilliance and fire But when you shoot them at me, it gets hard to fly any higher Oooh ooh oooh Oooh ooh oooh Baby, I don’t know Why, why won’t you try ‘Cause love, it takes time Real love, it takes time It’s so easy to hide But when your tears have dried, I won’t be beside you Did you forget about Brooklyn? Our drives to Manhattan? The hope in your blue eyes Did you fall victim to winter? This town’s a constrictor, suffocating you slowly So break, break toward the future Into the open I’ll run beside you Just take, take my cold hand and we’ll run until we both forget where we’re going And soon we’ll be flying Soon we’ll be flying Ooooh Of course I’m not the person who you made me out to be, idealized in your mind for a year So you can push me out, or you can love me while I’m still here
13.
Didn't You? 05:08
i wish you’d lift your head up and just talk about your ex-boyfriend who left you broken this isn’t something to repress or live around you can’t own your stories ‘til they’re spoken maybe i’m stupid to have let you in if i should go, where would you begin this time around? you left your clothes strewn on the ground of my bedroom you lost what you found, way too soon but i won’t make a sound this time you brought me home to meet your family, didn’t you? just like that guy who fucked you over and i tried so hard to be there for you, even when you treated me like shit you’re just not ready, so you tell me you tell me maybe you’re stupid to have pushed me out am i that easy to live without? do i make you sad? well, you let me down to trade what we had for that cold crown the queen of this lonely college town who’s your pillow tonight? oooh honey, a secret for you, my dear no one’s as ready as they appear so look to the stars from your window tonight i hope you were right
14.
she said “we aren’t meant to be i checked the stars and read my cards” or something i shook my head begrudgingly and walked out silently, my eyes glued to the floor and you said you wished you didn’t have to do this i said “well, why’d you do it, then?” you couldn’t tell me why you were unhappy your eyes were fixed on yesterday a little bit too much and i just want to talk about it can’t we talk about it? she said “we weren’t built to last” “you’re just not the person i remember from last spring” living in the past, your memories were tinged with fond illusion i’ll be clear, i wasn’t healthy then i was a shell of who i know i can be sincere, alive, and always there but you never even tried to trust me which sucks, ‘cause you were my best friend and i told you nearly everything about me and suddenly it has to end i can’t text you when i have a funny story anymore what we had was love i’m sure of that
15.
honey, i loved you like i’ve never loved before i really loved you but i couldn’t love you right you wanted more oh, more than i could offer though i gave you my whole world it didn’t feel right even though you tried love wasn’t easy by my side i heard you the first time oh, but it kills me you were my best friend and when you tell me i wasn’t enough i can’t help but wonder who did you think i was? who did you think i was? ‘cause honey, i loved you even though i didn’t like you all the time you’d treat me badly oh, and sadly, i’d just let you fuck my mind because to me, it was worth it and i thought you felt the same but for you, it was too much work, it wore you thin i never seemed to let you in so you pushed me right out oh, but i miss you so much as a friend what if i never meet you again? what if i never find someone like you? and that goes for you, too ooooh ooooh ooooh ooooh ooooh ooooh if i don’t see you again, i hope you’ll remember how you smiled, holding it all in back when we used to drive for miles and miles and miles when i was just your friend when it was easier oh, i just wish those days didn’t have to end i wish those days didn’t have to end we were just friends, but you wanted more beautiful friends, but we wanted more i made this mistake one time before and i’d make it again with you, i’m sure ooooh ooooh ooooh ooooh ooooh ooooh ooooh ooooh ooooh ooooh ooooh ooooh

credits

released December 20, 2020

cover by Emma Discenza
mixed/mastered by Shane Patterson
recorded by Allie Westbrook, Payal Rathod, Joe Vincent, and Cassie Leachman
drums by Nate Piazza
Syracuse University Records 2020

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Kyle Micho Syracuse, New York

I hear songs in my head, and I just make whatever comes out

let go, love, and see what happens ✨

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